When Double D Loses His Hat

Chapter I: The not-so-epic Prologue

It was a normal day when the universe fell apart. Double D woke up normally, and quickly dressed into his red shirt and purple pants. He walked towards his closet. That’s where he kept his neatly-folded clothes. However, this time, he discovered something truly horrifying. It could very well make the entire universe fall apart.

“MY HAT IS GONE!!!”

“OH NO!!” Ed yelled, crawling out from under the bed along. Double D just stared at the single-eyebrowed Ed-boy.

“Why are you here?” Double D asked.

Ed shrugged. “My momma was yelling at the refrigerator to give Sarah some Orange Juice, so I decided to sleep over at your place. Plus, I love how this place smells like carpet!”

Eddy ran into the room through the window. “Hey boys! How’s- OH MY GOSH!!” He noticed the hatless Double D. “THE UNIVERSE IS GOING TO FALL APART AS WE KNOW IT!! SOON EVERYTHING WILL REVERSE!!”

Double D raised an eyebrow at Eddy. “Please Eddy, the universe will not fall apart because my hat is missing."

Ed poked Eddy. “Look.” He pointed at a convenient trail of mud-laced footsteps leading to the window. The Eds looked out the window to reveal a shady dude running away with the precious sock hat in his grasp.

“HEY! GET BACK HERE!” Eddy yelled. The shady guy ran away.

“Still, I don’t think it was such a good idea for him to be waving a sign that says 'I HAVE DOUBLE D'S HAT, YOU IDIOTS' sticking out of his head.” Double D added.

Ed quickly grabbed a bucket and shoved it on Double D's head. “We cannot let the secret of his head be released to the mutants of Hades!” He yelled for no reason. Double D then stepped back 3 paces away from Ed.

Eddy was sweating. “QUICK! WE GOTTA GET DOUBLE D’S HAT BACK!!” Be grabbed Double D and Ed by the throats and jumped out the window.

Eddy landed in a thorn bush, and Ed and Double D landed in a convenient pile of feathers. However, Ed bloated rapidly and said. “I’m allergic!” He then violently...

EXPLODES!!!

But lives.

After Ed miraculously recovered in three seconds, the Eds decided to walk around the Cul-de-sac, to see Jimmy violently beat up Kevin, Rolf becoming a straight-up gangster (word), Jonny throwing Plank into the wood chipper, Nazz and Sarah also beating up Kevin, and Plank’s ghost coming out of nowhere and starting to possess a toaster and start makking a huge economical take over with a company (Motto: Potato for your soul?).

“HOLY CRUD! LOOK!” Kevin yelled for no reason while being given a wet wily from Jimmy. He pointed at a golden tractor coming to run over him.

“The entire universe is falling apart!” Ed yelled. Suddenly his eyes turned distant and he said “The sum of the five equals 69 is the sum of the square root minus Pi and forty two multiplied by Seven hundred and twenty two!”

“OH NO! IT GOT LUMPY!!!” Eddy yelled dramatically, falling in slow-motion.

Double D started to sweat rapidly. “Quickly gentlemen! That-a way!” He pointed to some direction and the other Eds started to follow. Little did they know of the epic quest ahead of them.

Chapter II: A Quick Paramedic Call

"(Pant) Soo.... tired (gasp) double... Deee... (Pant)" Eddy complained.

"We've only been walking for 10 minutes Eddy." Double D told him.

"It seemed like 79 years..." Eddy complained drastically. "Hey Ed... Where are we?"

Ed looked around, only to see them in the middle of the same cow field from the BPS movie.

"The same cow field from the BPS movie, my dear chum." He replied.

Eddy randomly tripped over a stick, and fell onto the ground, and started bouncing down the hill, into a cow, and slammed into the ground again. Then, the cow sat on him. "OW! SOMEONE CALL A PARAMEDIC!"

Double D took out an overly-gigantic cell phone from under his bucket on his head and tried dialing 911. However, the missing-hat effect was starting to take effect on him...

"... What number do you dial for 9-1-1? It's 1-9-1-4-2-#-4 right?" Double D asked, unsure.

"I think so." Eddy said, also unsure. As you can probably tell, this is why Double D never takes off his hat.

"Okay..." Double D punched in the number on his giant phone. "Hello...?"

"BOBBY! I MISSED YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!"

"I'm sorry, who is this?"

"YOU FORGOT YOUR AUNTIE LIDAONOMAFORMIDIANOLOCOMADA?!? (Pronounced Li-da-O-nom-A-for-mid-E-an-O-lo-co-mad-a), BILLY BILLY BOBBANA BOBBANA ANNA FON FO FILLY?!"

"Who's Billy Billy Bobbana Bobbana Anna Fon Fo Filly?"

"YOU FORGOT YOUR NAME TOO!?! HOW COULD YOU BILLY BILLY?!"

And Double D hung up immediately. "... So it's not 1-9-1-4-2-#-4... Maybe we should try '1-800-KEVIN-KILLORZ?'"

The other Eds nodded vigorously.

Double D pounded that number in as well.

"Hello Operator?"

"Hello. How may we be of service?"

"We need a paramedic."

"A $9.99 Kevin bashing coming up in two seconds flat!"

The operator then hung up.

Double D looked back at his friends. "Nope. That's still not it."

Back in the cul-de-sac

We see a dark shady figure behind Ed's house. He comes out of the shadows to reveal his bio. He has long black hair that covers his black eyes most of the time. He had a black open jacket over his grey T-shirt. He also has dark blue jeans and a black belt (Not Kung-Fu you fools!) and grey sneakers. His slightly tanned skin was then exposed to the sunlight, welcoming the sunlight.

However, you just wasted 20 seconds reading that bio, and imagining on what he looks like.

He then, grabbed something behind him, which turned out to be a sword sheath. He drew his silver sword with a golden hilt, with the design of leaves on it. It was in mint condition, looking as if it had never been used in its existence.

However, you just wasted another 15 seconds reading the sword's bio.

He then pulled out a cell phone with his free hand, and opened it up, to see a picture of Kevin.

"All I have to do is kill the dork and then I can get back to the band in L.A." He smirked.

He turned to view the cul-de-sac, in more turmoil than before. So, I shall explain what each person is doing.

Jonny: Destroying several trees and increasing pollution.

Rolf: Is dressed like a gangster, and started up a successful rap group called "Rolfy Boys."

Jimmy: Becoming a professional wrestler and beating the living spaghetti out of Kevin.

Sarah: Becoming the most girliest, pink-loving, girl, that she makes Barbie dolls look manly.

Nazz: Grows an obsession with Cookie dough, face cake, dinner, FALCOWN PAWNCH, and several other random things.

'''Kevin: Becoming the most wimpy weakling in the world, that he makes people as wimpy as Double D extreme professional fighters. He also looks like one of those X-TREME nerds with pocket protectors, glasses, pants that go up to chest etc.'''

'''Plank: Is now the president of the U.S. and is currently winning the war against Iraq, China, Northern Korea, Russia, Jamaica, Germany, and Great Britain. He also has taken the entire Southern America and put it under dominion of the U.S.A. However, the name of the U.S.A. has been changed to "Planktopolis" instead. However, somehow, the economy flourished under his rule.'''

The Cul-de-sac itself: All the houses are demolished, with a blood-red sky and the sky is starting to rain meteorites!!

Leo stared. "I think I might be here a while..."

Back with the Eds

Double D sighed. "Great... Any other numbers to call 9-1-1?"

...

"I GOT IT! 1-673-536-3156!" Double D announced, quickly dialing the said numbers. "Hello?"

In a odd voice, giving out that this was a voice mail for a random phone company (Don't wanna get sued) "SIMPLY SPEAK YOUR SELECTION AND WE'LL DIRECT YOU."

"Paramedic."

"SORRY, BUT 'The hot dog said a bad word' IS INVALID. PLEASE TRY AGAIN."

"Hospital?"

"SORRY, BUT 'Sup' estupido!' IS INVALID. PLEASE TRY AGAIN."

"Doctor... (please...?)"

"SORRY, BUT 'Your face smells like a skunk on 4th of July' IS INVALID. PLEASE TRY AGAIN."

Double D sighed, knowing this was going to take a while. So he decided to opt dial instead.

"FOR BILLING, PRESS 1

"FOR SHIPPING, PRESS 2

"FOR THE SOUND OF THE WORD "DICKIE" BY EDDY, PRESS 3

"FOR THE NEED TO EAT COOKIES, PRESS 4"

THREE MONTHS LATER

"FOR SOLAR ENERGY, PRESS 67,542,526

"FOR PARAMEDICS, PRESS 67,542,527"

Double D (who now had a 5 foot long beard) quickly dialed 67,543,527.

"THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING PARAMEDICS. PLEASE HOLD AS WE DIRECT YOU TO AN EMPLOYEE."

The phone went silent, before switching to a certain song...

"I LOVE YOU

"YOU LOVE ME

"WE'RE A GREAT BIG FAMILY..."

2 more hours later...

At this point, Double D's sanity was at the point of breaking due to all of the stuff that happened to him. Now, his eyes were bloodshot spirals, while his teeth became all pointed for some reason.

"Hey! My name is Melinda Gondale. I'm the cheeriest girl you'll ever talk to! So how can I help you?" A real human being said on the phone.

"I kill you... you kill me... We're a huge... slaughtery..." Double D sang, as the song was burned in his memory.

"Haha! That's so funny! Anyways, I believe you need a paramedic?" Melinda replied cheerily.

"With a great... big axe... and a toast from... me to you... Let's kill interns while they're eating shampoo..."

"... Well, I'll send a paramedic right away!" And the phone hung up.

Double D fell down in exhaustion, KO'ed completely.