Ask the Eds!

Ask the Eds! is an Ed, Edd n' Eddy fan-made talk show, created by Tfiction. We could explain what it is about, but let's give the author a chance to do so.

Prologue
Tfiction: “Ladies and gentlemen! I present you with my newest, greatest, and Antonucci-Approved Talk Show ever…” [everyone was confused about the last part] “Okay, this is fan-work, but this’ll be fun anyway. I present you…” [a Neon Sign appeared] “Ask the Eds!” [the audience was like a whole stadium of Diamondbacks fans] “Settle down, peoples, settle down.” [in a flash, the audience died down] “Thank you. Now, I’m your host, the Wizard of Wii, the Paladin of Playstation, and the Creator of Ed Abuse…. Maybe not the first two. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am…. TFICTION! And now I shall tell you a few things. First off, I have made the decision to discontinue two of my fan fictions - Ask the Operatives and Humiliate the Smashers.” [the audience booed Tfiction] “I know, that’s deplorable. Total Drama Cartoon is still a wild card, but I haven’t said the magic word for those two yet. But now, I give you Ask the Eds, where you can ask the characters of Ed, Edd n Eddy questions, with some guest appearances at times.” [The audience gasped] “That’s right, I decided to let one of you, once per every three question days, to appear on this fan fiction.” [The audience cheered] “But not everyone will be on stage. And speaking of which, not everyone’s questions will be accepted. So don’t bombard the kids with questions. This site can only be so lard.” [Then random “Huh?”, “What?” and “POPPYCOCK!”] “….oops. I meant to say large.” [The audience laughed as Tfiction blushed] “Anyway, every character who is asked at least one question will be on to see the question. So if you ask Eddy if he hates Kevin, then he’ll probably say yes, but if you do that and ask Kevin a question, then here’s hoping Eddy has a first-aid kit. Also, I aim to give the audience some entertainment, so I will also have games like “Truth or Dare”, or…. I dunno. Anyone who has any ideas for games to go along with Ask The Eds, they are welcome. I aim to make this a K-rated fanfic, so don’t give any….. unthinkable ideas. Alongside all that, I also intend to make mock commercials advertising others fan fictions. The fan fictions that I think are worthy of being on here will be advertised. Speaking of which, it’s time to go to commercials…”

[advertisement for Operation ED]

Tfiction: “Okay, that’s to advertise my current fan fiction, which apparently, no one’s reviewing!!” [sigh] “Well, since you guys are still here, time to talk more about this show. Next on our list is bloopers. Ah… Bloopers.”

''[Suddenly, a picture of a squid with a criminal eye-mask on appeared on a TV screen. Tfiction gasped in surprise.]''

Tfiction: “NOT THOSE KIND!!! Can someone get that squid out?” [The Blooper squid disappeared] “Thanks. Anyway, you’ll get to read what you didn’t get to see in the episodes. Sorta like unused clips, but much funnier. So ask your questions, and make sure they’re K-rating approved. And remember - REVIEW!"

Episode 1
Tfiction: “Welcome back to ASK THE EDS!” [a neon sign saying Ask the Eds appearing above] “Thank you, thank you. Now, for you readers out there, I forgot to mention something - only 3 questions per review. Sorry. This is the very reason that…. What’s this? EVERYONE’S HERE!”

[As the audience cheered, the red curtain rose to reveal the whole Ed, Edd n Eddy cul-de-sacians.] 

Tfiction: “So Eddy, how does it feel to be on this show?”

Eddy: “Well, Mr. Author guy, I have to say that this feels really great! Can you get my good side, Mr. Cameraman? I’d like my legions of fans to swoon for me!”

Tfiction: “Yeah. Your legions of fans. Anyway, do you realize why I have called you all here today?” [They all shook their head] “Well, this is a talk show where some reviewers ask the Ed, Edd n Eddy cast questions, and they answer them.”

Ed: “OOOOHHH!”

Tfiction: “Ooh, indeed. Now, we have to get on with the show, so on with the first batch of questions! It says here… Spidey3000 made the questions. Spidey3000 is not only the creator of a pretty good Mario and Sonic crossover, but he is also a regular user on the Mario Forum RPG, Mushroom Destiny, as well as it’s sequel, Star’s Lullaby. Here’s the first question. This one’s for Kevin.” [Kevin smirked, and stood up] “….Was that bike parked out in the front yours? Cause some delinquent kids must have trashed it and painted it pink.”

Kevin: “WHAT?!? You have ten seconds to tell me who did it.”

Tfiction: “It says here that Spidey must’ve done it, because he’s hiding pink spray behind his back.” [Kevin storns out] “Oh dear. Can someone get Kevin back on stage? …thanks. While Kevin’s off stage, we’ll go on to the next question. Nazz,” [pause for dramatic tension] “How does it feel to know that given a choice between saving you and his bike, Kevin would choose his bike?”

Nazz: “HE WHAT?!?” [crying] “That jerk!” [crying on Edd] 

Tfiction: “…so I’m guessing that it feels bad. I’d agree with her, too. NEXT QUESTION! Eddy? What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Or better yet, a Jawbreaker?”

Eddy [drooling]: “JAWBREAKER?! I’D DO ANYTHING FOR IT!”

Tfiction: “…good thing Kevin isn’t around to see it, or he’d blackmail you for a Jawbreaker. Ed.”

Ed: “OH NO! EVIL TIM IS SUCKING THE MORTAL’S BRAINS OUT!”

Tfiction: “….Ed?”

Ed: “AND NOW HE WILL DEVOUR HIS WORTHLESS BODY!”

Tfiction: “Ed????”

Ed: “OH NOES! HE IS GOING AFTER-”

Tfiction: “ED!!!”

Ed: “Oh, is it my turn to spin?”

Tfiction: “Your question is…… okay, this one’s not really a question. It says “Teach me your ways, Wise One- ACK!”

[Ed had drop-kicked Tfiction by surprise.]

Ed: “Surprise. That’s the first element of the periodic table.”

Edd: “Um, Ed? The Element of surprise isn’t on the periodic table.”

Tfiction: “Edward!”

Ed: “Yes mommy?”

Tfiction: “…okay, Double D? Your question is…. Hrm…”

Edd: “What is it, Tfiction?”

Tfiction: “This will be disturbing, but… ...why don't you just tell them the truth? Why don't you just tell them that you're really a girl, disguised as a boy?”

Edd: “That’s because I am a boy, not a girl!”

Tfiction: “Then why don’t you prove it, and take off that hat?”

Edd: “The hat’s off limits!”

Tfiction: “Spidey will never believe you, but anyway. For Jonny. Does Plank hate it when he does this? He revvs a chainsaw.”

Jonny: “HOLY TAMOLEY!! HE’S GOT A CHAINSAW!!!!!!”

Tfiction: “I’ll tell Spidey not to do that. SPIDEY! PLANK HATES IT! Anyway, now it’s time for the next batch of questions. But first, commercials!”

Tfiction: “Well, now that the commercial is over, time for the first question. This one’s from Pikfan. Ed.” [Ed looked up] “Your question is…. Do you prefer a jawbreaker, buttertoast and gravy, or Chunky Puffs?”

[Ed thought about it for a whopper of minutes.]

Ed: “Is this a test or something?”

[Another barrelful of laughs.]

Tfiction: “Next question, then. For Edd. Why do you stick with Eddy?”

Edd: “Because he’s my friend.”

Tfiction: “…fair enough. For Eddy, if you had a choice between all of the jawbreakers in Kevin's garage and Nazz, what'll you choose? Be careful, for Nazz is still here.”

[Eddy thought about it for a minute.] 

Eddy: “Nazz.”

Audience: “Awwwww...”

[Nazz blushed]

Tfiction: “NEXT QUESTION! For Jonny. Why don't you give Plank friends of wood? You made him parents and attackers.”

Jonny: “Because they’re not friendly around Plank.”

Audience: “……”

Tfiction: “Ooo.. Kay.”

Kevin: “HEY! LEMME GO!”

Tfiction: “Well, now that Kevin’s back, it’s Nazz’s question. Do you pick Kevin, or Double D?”

Nazz [still furious at Kevin]: “Double D.”

Tfiction: “Okay then. As for Kevin, his question is… why do you call the Eds dorks? Why not something original?”

Kevin: “Because Dork fits them quite well, thank you very much.”

Tfiction: “Well well well. Now Rolf...”

Rolf [panicking]: “THE CAMERA IS GOING TO STEAL ROLF’S SOUL! POINT IT TOWARDS NAZZ-GIRL!”

Tfiction: “Relax, it’s not going to steal your soul. It’s just going to make your likeness be on TV. And Rolf, what is your favorite animal?”

Rolf: “Rolf enjoys the Sheep very much, yes? It's wool is used for bargaining in my old country.”

Tfiction: “Very much, yes. Now Jimmy and Sarah, do you like each other?

Sarah: “We do! We’re best friends!”

Tfiction:“No, Pikfan meant do you like like each other.”

Jimmy [sweating]: “Uh, can we skip the question?”

Rolf: “Hello...”

''[The audience roared with laughter. Tfiction couldn’t help but laugh as well.]''

Tfiction: “If this doesn’t get me fifty reviews, I don’t know what will. Now for the Kankers.”

Eddy: “WHAT?! YOU INVITED THE KANKERS HERE?!”

Tfiction:“It’s not that I wanted to, Eddy.”

Lee: “Hello, boys!”

The Eds: “KANKERS!!!”

Tfiction: “Now, I want you three to answer this one question. I know that you’re attracted to them, but we want to know why. What do you see in the Eds?”

Lee: “I see in my man, Eddy, a hunk of a man.”

Marie: “I see a big brain in my man, Double D.”

May [hugging Ed]: “I see a strong and cute guy in Big Ed.”

Tfiction [sweating]: “That’s a bit….. Scary... Now that batch 2 is done,” [Tfiction drank a glass bottle of root beer.] “it’s time for…” [Tfiction put the bottle down.] “TRUTH OR DARE! Here’s how it’s going to work. Five players will play, and if you choose truth, you have to say the truth, or you either take a dare, or get hit by a hammer. Kinda like Truth or Hammer from the TDA Aftermath.”

Kevin: “You actually watch that show?”

Tfiction : “Yes, I do. And I’m happy to say that it’s very good. Our players are… Eddy!” [A spotlight appeared over Eddy] “Ed!” [A spotlight appeared over Ed] “Double D!” [A spotlight appeared over Edd] “Nazz!” [A spotlight appeared over Nazz] “Sarah!” [A spotlight appeared over Sarah] “Now, be careful. If you decide not to do a dare, you’re out. Also, if you decide to ask someone to do something that would raise the K-rating to T-rating, or even..” [Thunder sound effects were heard] “M-rating… You will be ejected from the game. Sounds fair?” [Everyone nodded] “Good. Eddy, you get to spin first.”

MORE SOON!

Bloopers

 * Eddy was seen running to catch the balloon. Suddenly, he tripped over a caterpillar, face first.
 * Edd was busy making a soda that wouldn’t lose its fizz. Suddenly, the concoction exploded in his face.
 * Eddy was running towards the candy store. He was right there, but before he could open the door, he tripped over a caterpillar again.
 * “ZAPPITY ZAP ZAP!” Ed said, full of static electricity, and tapped Edd.

BOOM!
 * Eddy was first in the Jawbreaker Sale at Kevin’s. He was right there, when he tripped over a caterpillar AGAIN!!! Everyone walked over him, and Eddy didn't get a single Jawbreaker.

Trivia

 * Jonny tells his story of how he found Plank in the fanfic.